I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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