that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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