it hurts more in the daytime
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
