We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
