im about as happy as oj after his trial
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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