Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
