Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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