I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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