he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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