the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
