you turned your livingroom into a bong?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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