You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
