his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
