My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
