she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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