WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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