sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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