He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
