just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
