i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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