I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
