If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
