shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
