so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
