Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
