We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
