You smell like stripper and shame
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
