he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
