so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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