"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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