You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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