How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
