now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
