Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
