Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
