Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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