Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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