i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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