My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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