Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
