So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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