So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
