she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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