Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we should paint friendship bongs
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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