When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
