How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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