if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
