My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
