I can text with my tongue
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
