you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
